Leanne smiling with short blonde hair, seated in wheelchair at a cafe table. The menu and a water bottle are on table and sunny day seen through doors in background. — We all want to be treated equally-just like the service I get from my local cafe

Enjoying an outing today are we? This was a question I was asked when at my local garden centre recently. One small comment but one huge indictment on society’s perceptions of disability. The guy seemed nice enough, displaying well-maintained teeth in his wide, jovial smile, just another customer like me. Unlike me, he wasn’t in a wheelchair, and neither was my companion, who didn’t get asked if she was enjoying a nice day out.

On a ranking of awful things to say to someone this barely makes a mark in the thoughtful-to-heinous greetings scale but two things bothered me about this question:

- The always annoying use of the collective ‘we’ when being asked a question about ‘me’ ( this is a general habit some people have to anyone that I find irritating - excuse my pettiness ).

- The obvious inference was that because I was in a wheelchair my daily outings peaked at buying worms and topsoil and how lucky was I?

So a misguided nice guy, consciously or not, saw me as inferior and unequal. Not through malice but most probably through lack of association with a person in a wheelchair or perhaps anyone with any form of disability. I get it, I haven’t always lived around disability and without that exposure, it can feel uncomfortable and confusing to know the right thing to say.

Unconscious bias is something we are all innately capable of. Expectations of a situation are based on our assumptions informed by our experiences and knowledge (or lack of) rather than considering the situation or subject for what it is. For instance, after being led to our table at a restaurant the waiter looked at Gaz and asked him where I would like to sit? One of my first shoe shopping forays had the retail assistant ask Gary what style of shoe I would like.

I understand the un-comfortability that comes from interacting with someone when you are not sure of their cognitive or communication levels. However, a simple hello or good afternoon, or can I help you, as one might greet anyone is a pretty good start to respecting and understanding.

So it’s as simple as employing, as part of your natural way of being, an old gold piece of sage wisdom: treat others as you would like to be treated. In other words, we are all equal and should engage with each other as such. And this doesn’t just work for interactions with a disabled person of course. We can inadvertently patronise an older person or someone from a different cultural or socio-economic background.

So. Let’s. Just. Not.

This is why I and thousands of others advocate for a disability-inclusive society. And this is why even when I feel self-conscious or that I am being bothersome I want to make sure that I can access the things that I want to. And be seen by, and engage with, as many people as possible doing those things.

A simple remark like that of my fellow garden lover does indicate a certain level of disrespect. To ameliorate this thought pattern through our community I aim to talk to, and reach as many people as possible, to inform and share and discuss my experiences, learning and research.

In this way, structural and attitudinal changes will continue to be made and we can, in all our shapes, sizes, colours, genders and abilities be truly and respectfully integrated. Until then you may see me at uni or the theatre, enjoying a meal out or at the market.

Or I may also just be waiting for my special thirty minutes amongst the compost.

Inclusively yours,